Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
