RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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