Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
