some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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