Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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