dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can't motorboat a personality
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
