Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just had sex bonerless
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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