the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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