Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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