The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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