I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
