Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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