So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
