ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
