just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
