how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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