I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
