i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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