STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
