so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
