Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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