some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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