I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
