so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
