I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
