i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
