It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
NoShamevember. You game?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
