The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Farmville is her only friend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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