your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
