Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
