he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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