Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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