My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
