I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we're making bets on your personal life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize