come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
