i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
