she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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