Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
