i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
