You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
