1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
