we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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