ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
