so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
