I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize