cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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