i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
