So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
