Don't you send me to vm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
