quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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