He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
