remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
