do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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