I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
