Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
