People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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