...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
