my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
