So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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