just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
