I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
