I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
