Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
