nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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