so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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