We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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