I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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