the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
