I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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