that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
