I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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