is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im holly from the hills drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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