Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
