Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
